At a convention of biological scientists, one prominant researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"
"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"
"Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do".
One evening in December, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking down the street together when all four of them simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets to keep the money?
The old drunk, of course, because the other three are all mythological creatures.
Having many legal problems, including a divorce, a man had become thoroughly disgusted with lawyers in general. One evening in a bar, the conversation got around to his pet peeve and he started 'venting'. "All lawyers are jerks", he said loudly.
Another man nearby heard this, looked disturbed, and sauntered over to him. "Look, I heard what you said, and I am highly offended by it".
"Why is that? Are you a lawyer?", the first man asked.
The second guy replied, "No! I'm NOT a lawyer. I'm a jerk".