Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
Little Johnny's father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new mountain bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost a lot", he asked.
"Easy, Dad", Little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking".
"Come on Johnny", the father said. "Tell me the truth".
"That is the truth", Johnny replied. "Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"